Autumn is often a time for new routines, hobbies and a renewed sense of focus. But while we might assume that making these changes stick requires more discipline, meditation teacher Beth Upton believes that forcing ourselves to try harder can sometimes have the opposite effect.
Stop treating discipline like punishment
“We often think discipline means repeatedly telling ourselves what we should or shouldn’t do, but this can become bossy and self-punishing. When discipline feels like something being imposed on us, it naturally creates an urge to rebel.”
“The problem is that this approach ignores how complex motivation actually is. Simply demanding more from ourselves isn’t necessarily enough to change our behaviour.”
Make your environment work for you
Rather than expecting motivation to come entirely from within, Beth says our surroundings can play an important role in making new behaviours easier to maintain.
“We tend to believe we should be able to overcome our surroundings through willpower, but our behaviour is heavily shaped by the conditions around us. Rather than relying entirely on discipline, create conditions that make what you want to do easier.”
“Think about both place and people. If you want to start running, it will help a lot if you live somewhere that is nice to run, perhaps near a park, and if you know other people who run. The same applies to meditation: it helps to be somewhere peaceful and to be around a teacher or other meditators. We can make things much easier for ourselves by creating the right conditions instead of expecting willpower to do all the work.”
Treat yourself like a friend
Our environment isn’t the only thing that can shape motivation. Beth believes the way we speak to ourselves can also make a difference.
“We are motivated more effectively by love than force. Rather than constantly making demands of ourselves, approach yourself as you would your own best friend.”
“With me as my own best friend, my own best advocate, the one who can most impact my own quality of life, the one who loves me the most, how do I want to spend my time today?”
“We can worry that being kinder to ourselves will make us complacent, but my experience has been the opposite. Cultivating loving-kindness towards ourselves can actually motivate us to improve our lives.”
More effort isn’t always better
When a new routine isn’t sticking, our instinct can be to assume we simply aren’t trying hard enough. Beth argues that putting in more effort isn’t always the answer.
“There is a point where simply putting in more effort stops being useful. Although too little effort can lead to laziness or deflation, too much effort can cause tension, frustration and a loss of enjoyment. Wise effort sits somewhere between the two – ‘not too tight, not too loose’.”
“Many of us may actually be trying too hard. When something we genuinely want to do starts feeling like a constant obligation, we can lose our natural enthusiasm for it. Counterintuitively, relaxing our effort can actually increase motivation.”
As well as finding the right amount of effort, Beth says it matters where that effort is directed.
“Effort also needs to be well targeted. The Buddha described four ‘right’ kinds of effort: cultivating and maintaining desirable states of mind, such as acceptance, generosity and kindness, and letting go of undesirable states, such as anger, blame and fear, and preventing them from returning. Without doing that foundational work on our state of mind, simply telling ourselves again and again to go for a run or sit down to meditate isn’t necessarily going to work.”
Turn discipline into habit
For anyone taking up a new hobby or trying to establish a routine this autumn, Beth says consistency can eventually make the behaviour require less conscious effort.
“Establishing a habit takes considerably more effort than maintaining one. What looks like impressive discipline in someone else may simply be a behaviour they’ve repeated for long enough that it no longer requires the same effort.”
“When establishing something new, start simple and remember that consistency is key. Keep it pleasurable, reward yourself for successes and spend time with people who reinforce the habit.”
Leave yourself some choice
Structure can still be useful, but Beth believes it works best when it leaves room for personal choice. It’s an approach she uses on her own meditation retreats.
“On my retreats, wake-up and meal times are fixed, but everything else is optional. I deliberately want people to meditate because they have good motivation, rather than because I force them.”
“Too much external discipline can leave us dependent on someone else telling us what to do. But too much self-discipline can create a similar problem: we’re so busy giving ourselves orders that we stop listening to what we genuinely want and need.
“As we head into autumn, I’d encourage people to start small, be kind to themselves and build in some choice. That’s when new habits really take hold.”
For more hints and tips follow https://bethupton.com/
